you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
