Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
