Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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