just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.