Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.