I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels