I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
