According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
