i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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