so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
