Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
