no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
