that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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