we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
