Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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