hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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