i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
