I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
