see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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