Moan for me like Helen Keller
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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