im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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