All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
