Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
