i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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