Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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