I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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