I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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