i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
