I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just high enough for therapy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
