At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
