so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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