I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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