He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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