I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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