no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
