don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
