he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
