OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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