Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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