By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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