I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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