I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize