its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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