I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
