so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
