i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
