BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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