halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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