Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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