Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
