I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
