new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize