Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
