I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
