My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
