i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
