We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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