My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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