yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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