and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
