Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
