Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
