so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
