We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish i was in the wii world.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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