I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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