Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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